How to find a sparring partner

Sparring is where technique meets resistance. Whether it is rounds in boxing or Muay Thai, rolling in jiu jitsu, randori in judo or live wrestling, you need partners who push you without hurting you. Finding them can be harder than it sounds, especially if your gym is small, you train at odd hours or you have just moved somewhere new.

This guide covers where to look and how to judge whether someone is a good match. It also covers the rules and kit that keep sparring safe, whatever your sport.

What makes a good sparring partner

The best partner is rarely the toughest person in the room. It is someone who can adjust their pace to yours, who wants to learn as much as win, and who you trust to stop when something goes wrong. A good partner makes you better over months, not just harder to beat on the day.

• Similar size and weight, or the experience and control to make up for a difference.
• An experience level close to yours, or a more experienced partner happy to work at your pace.
• The same idea of what the session is for: technical, moderate or hard.
• Respect for the tap, the bell and the word stop.
• Reliability: turning up when agreed, in clean and safe kit.

Start at your own gym

If you train at a gym, your coach is the best matchmaker you have. Coaches know everyone's level, temperament and injuries, and in striking sports especially, many will want to see you spar under supervision before you do it anywhere else. Tell your coach what you want to work on and ask who would suit you.

Stay behind after class, arrive early for the sparring session, or ask the people you drill with whether they fancy a few extra rounds. Many of the best training partnerships begin with two people who keep ending up next to each other in warm-ups.

Open mats and sparring sessions at other gyms

Open mats and open sparring sessions are the traditional way to find new partners. They are sessions without a set lesson, where people from different gyms roll or spar freely, and they give you a variety one gym cannot: new body types, new styles and new habits to solve.

• Message the host gym before you go to check the session is open to visitors, what it costs and what kit you need.
• Arrive early, introduce yourself to whoever is running the session and be honest about your level.
• Bring clean kit, a mouthguard and your own protective gear.
• Start every new pairing at a moderate pace and let the more experienced person set the intensity.
• Do not coach anyone unless they ask, and thank the host before you leave.

It is worth getting a few months of training behind you, and trying your own gym's open mat first, before visiting others. You will enjoy it more once you can spar with control.

Seminars are an underrated way to meet partners too. You spend a few hours drilling and sparring with people from other gyms who care enough about training to travel for it, and swapping numbers at the end is normal. Gyms and organisers publish open mats, seminars and competitions on Matador, which you can browse by sport.

Matching size, experience and goals

Weight and experience are the two big variables. A large weight difference raises the risk of injury in grappling and striking alike, and a large experience gap turns sparring into a lesson for one person and survival for the other. Neither has to rule a partner out, but the heavier or more experienced person has to take responsibility for keeping it controlled.

Before you spar someone new, ask how long they have trained, what they are working on and whether they are carrying any injuries. In sports with ranks, like BJJ, judo and karate, a belt tells you something, but ask anyway: two people with the same belt can be very different partners.

• How long have you been training, and in what?
• Are you preparing for a fight or competition, or training for fun?
• What pace do you like to spar at?
• Any injuries I should know about?
• Is there anything you want to work on today?

Agree the rules before the first round

Most sparring injuries and fallings-out come from two people with different ideas of what the session is. Settle it before you start: what is allowed, how hard, for how long, and how either of you stops a round.

1. 1

   Set the intensity

   Agree a pace in plain words: technical, light, moderate or hard. If one of you wants to go lighter, go lighter.

2. 2

   Agree what is allowed

   In striking, decide on targets, power and whether kicks, knees, elbows or clinch work are in. In grappling, agree on takedowns, leg locks and anything your gym restricts.

3. 3

   Set rounds and rests

   Fix the round length and number of rounds before you start, and stick to them. Tired people get sloppy, and sloppy is when injuries happen.

4. 4

   Agree how to stop

   A tap, the word stop or a raised hand ends the exchange immediately, with no last shot.

5. 5

   Talk it through afterwards

   Spend a minute on what worked and what did not. It is the quickest way to turn sparring into learning.

Safety and protective equipment

Protective gear is not optional. What you need depends on the sport, and your gym or host may have its own rules, but these are the basics.

• Boxing: well-padded sparring gloves (many gyms set a minimum weight), hand wraps, a mouthguard and, depending on the gym, headgear and groin protection.
• Muay Thai and kickboxing: as for boxing, plus shin guards, and elbow pads if elbows are allowed.
• MMA: MMA sparring gloves, shin guards, a mouthguard and groin protection, with headgear for heavier striking rounds.
• BJJ, judo and wrestling: a mouthguard, clean kit and short nails, and ear guards if you want to protect your ears.

Spar where there is supervision, first aid and proper matting, which in practice means a gym. Meeting someone you only know online in a park or a garage takes all of that away. If you arrange to spar with a new partner, do it at a gym, during a session the gym runs or with its permission, and tell someone where you are going.

Head contact deserves special care in striking sports. Keep most sparring light, save hard rounds for specific preparation under a coach, and never spar with signs of concussion such as headaches, dizziness, nausea or blurred vision. Get medical advice and do not go back until you have been cleared.

Finding partners through Matador

Matador brings together the gyms, athletes and events around you, which makes it a practical place to look for training partners, whatever you train. There are three good places to start.

Gyms and their timetables

Search the gym directory by town or city and by sport. Gyms with an Official page can show this week's timetable with the level of each class, so you can spot open mats, sparring sessions and advanced or competition classes before you go. If a gym sells drop-ins on Matador, you can pay for a single class in the app and check in from your phone; otherwise, message the gym from its page to ask about visiting.

The community feed

Matador's community feed has an Open Mat topic for sessions and training partners. Post where you train, your sport and level, when you are free and the kind of sparring you want, and people can reply to you in the app.

Athletes near you

The athletes directory lists verified athletes and coaches by sport and near a town or city, and in the app you can browse athletes by sport and distance from you. Profiles show the sports each person trains with their belt or level, so you can check you are a sensible match before you message anyone. Keep a first message short and specific: your sport, your level and a suggestion to meet at a gym session.

Be the partner people want to spar with

The simplest way to find good sparring partners is to be one. People remember who was fun, safe and useful to spar with, and those are the people who get asked back.

• Turn up on time and clean, with your own gear in good condition.
• Match your partner's pace, and ease off the moment they are struggling.
• Help your partner work on what they want, not only on what you want.
• Never try to win a light round with a hard shot.
• Stop immediately at the tap, the bell or a request to stop.
• Thank your partner, every time.

Good sparring partners are worth more than any piece of kit. Find them through your coach, open mats and the wider community, agree the rules before you start and look after each other. The progress follows.